Special thanks to Diane Echelbarger and Dianne "la Mercenaire" DeSha for beta reading and editing beyond the call of duty. Jackie Deutsch appears by permission of... herself. Nick Knight has been kidnapped and put up for auction without the knowledge of Tri-Star, James Parriott, or any other Powers That Be on FOREVER KNIGHT.
For a Good Cause: A Night with Nick
by Christina Kamnikar (with Jackie Deutsch)
copyright 1996
6:42 PM North Toronto; Morningside Park apartment complex
"Earrings. Earrings. Where did I put them..." Jackie Deutsch frowned at herself in the mirror, dressed only in her red kimono robe, fluffing her dark bangs, then squishing them flat, trying to decide which way she liked them best. And trying to call to mind where she'd last seen the silver-and- gold earrings she wanted to wear tonight. "The bathroom, maybe?" she asked herself out loud, wandering around the apartment. She hated how frazzled she got before a date, but supposed it was better than getting all twittery when her escort eventually showed up. Usually she expended all her nervous energy in the preparations. By the time Nick Knight arrived, she'd be calm. Cool. At ease.
Mostly. If she could just find those damn earrings.
Blind dates were always difficult, and this was really close to being one since they'd never met. Detective Knight also had no idea what she looked like or anything about her, and there was the additional fact that she'd paid $16,000 to charity in order to have this evening out. Not that that mattered, really. It wasn't that large a sum when you considered her paycheck. And it was for charity. A good cause.
Plus, he was so darn *cute*.
Jackie found the hose she'd been looking for fifteen minutes earlier, the boots she'd misplaced an hour ago, and the slip she'd been worrying about since she got back from work. Great. Almost ready....
And they had a lot in common, really. The anthropology interests, the cars, and of course, the criminal law proceedings. They shouldn't come up short on things to talk about. And the play was supposed to be interesting-- she'd read good things about the production in the NOW newspaper. So there was no reason to be anything but completely confident....
"GOTCHA." She pounced on the little silver-surrounded gold commas that were hiding in plain sight on top of the TV set. Really, it was like they were trying to make her jittery on purpose. Didn't they know she had enough problems already?
7:01 PM Outside Morningside Park Apartments
Double-checking the address, Nick Knight parked his Caddy along the curb in front of the attractive high-rise apartment complex. The curtain for the new, avant-garde production of Hamlet was supposed to rise at 7:30, which gave him and his date-- Jackie? Right, Jackie-- just enough time to get there at 7:15, take their seats, chat for about fifteen minutes, then watch the play. It would be over by 10, they'd get coffee and dessert at a nearby bistro, and that would be it. Like Natalie said, what could be so difficult about that? It was simple.
Yet despite these thoughts Nick stood at the door of his date's apartment, and fought a war with the rising nervousness that had plagued him all day. He hadn't liked the idea of the date auction to begin with; had been almost ecstatic when it looked like it might be cancelled; and even now he didn't feel prepared. Inexorably, he started to drift into a memory of the morning....
6:27AM Metro Police Department, 96th Precinct
Nick was just finishing up some paperwork on the latest case when Natalie breezed into the squadroom. Smiling sunnily, she handed over the latest autopsy report to Schanke, then turned to Nick and said, "So? Are you all prepared for the big date?"
For two seconds his partner appeared confused. Then, as a big grin began to form on Schanke's face, Nick closed his eyes and gritted his teeth in anticipation. "Natalie...."
"That's right! Tonight's when you've got to fulfill your obligations, don't you? Time to give your all for Toronto's finest." Schanke smirked. "Though I hope your 'owner' is a little more merciful than that. I mean, how long has it been since you've been on a date, Nick? A real date, not just flirting with felony witnesses. Two years? Longer?" The other detective shook his head mournfully. "Of course, considering what she paid for you, I guess you won't be able to object if she decides that part of your date includes more than purely social contact...."
Natalie grimaced in chagrin as Schanke continued, but her eyes were twinkling with amusement as she regarded the beleaguered detective in front of her. Nick was pinching the bridge of his nose, his jaw clenched in the effort to control himself. Finally, as Schanke began to speculate on why Nick's date had been happy to pay so much money for only _one_ date, Knight slammed a folder down on his desk and snarled, "Enough! That is IT, Schanke! One more word out of you--*one more* -- and I'll make sure Myra hears about the exact caloric content of every snack you've eaten in the last two weeks, that Captain Cohen finds out who started the betting pool on the hockey finals, and the Inland Revenue gets an anonymous tip about the take-out food you wrote off as business expenses!" Gathering the report together, he stalked across the squadroom to Captain Cohen's office.
By the time he got back to his desk, only Natalie remained, still seeming amused, but slightly more sympathetic. "Schank thought he'd better leave while he still had the chance," she said as he put on his coat. Nick muttered under his breath and punched the POWER OFF button on his computer with extra savagery. "Why are you letting him get to you? It's really only a blind date, Nick. A nice night at the theatre, some coffee, and you're done. What's so stressful about that?"
"Where do I start?" Nick retorted as they walked out of the precinct and toward the parking lot. "I won't be drinking the coffee. I haven't been on a date with a mortal since the fifties. I'm not comfortable with how much she paid for the date. And Schanke is going to cross-examine me about the implications of this thing for the rest of the year, if not longer. What's to be worried about?"
"Ni-ick." Natalie was laughing, and they stopped as she fumbled for the keys to her car. "It'll be good for you to interact with a mortal outside your job. Give you an opportunity to... see how the rest of us deal with single life. You can do this, I mean, it's got to be easier than dating was in the Middle Ages, and you survived that, right?"
"Sort of," Nick muttered. "I just... I'm a little... nervous. That I might make a mistake. Do something obviously-- strange. Schanke doesn't catch on that I'm different, no matter how badly I screw up, and you know I'm a vampire. How many more mortals do I hang out with? What if this woman-- this Jackie-- figures out what I am?"
"I don't think you're giving yourself credit," Natalie responded. "We've made a _lot_ of progress over the last three years, Nick. You're not just faking humanity; you've become more human." She patted his cheek reassuringly and grinned. "Lighten up. It's just a date, not brain surgery. How much can go wrong?"
7:03 PM Still outside Jackie's apartment
Ringing the doorbell, Nick reminded himself that it was only one date, and who knew? It might be fun. Attitude was everything. A couple minutes passed, and no one answered the door. Frowning, he checked the slip of paper he'd scribbled the address on. Yes, 112B. He pressed the button next to the door again. He couldn't have gotten the date wrong--
The door opened with a whoosh, and standing on the threshold was a tanned, petite woman in her thirties who only stood as high as his heart. Her brown hair was piled helter-skelter on top of her head, held by large red plastic clips, and she had both hands behind her back, apparently fiddling with the zipper of her black dress. "Hi, glad you're on time, can you do this? I think it's stuck," she said, gesturing to the back of her outfit and turning around. Nick was surprised to note it was designer; in fact, if he wasn't completely mistaken, Janette owned one just like it: a Versace short-sleeved shift, form-fitting and expensive. He also noticed that his date would've been even smaller if she hadn't been wearing high-heeled knee-length Hermes boots that matched the dress.
Bemused, Nick felt his lips twitch in a grin. "Uh... sure. You're Jackie Deutsch?" he asked, pulling the zipper up to her neck.
"The one and only." She pulled out the clips and let her hair fall back down around her shoulders, and smiled at him teasingly. Jackie had eyes as dark as the brown hair she wore in an Uma Thurman "Pulp Fiction" cut. Nick noticed that she bore an uncanny resemblance to Geraldine Chaplin from "Doctor Zhivago". "And you're Nick Knight, homicide detective," she said, shaking the hand that had done up the zipper. "I have to say, it makes an interesting change to talk to one of the opposition while on this side of the witness box."
"Excuse me?" Nick asked, slightly bewildered, and more than a little off balance. Charming as she was, he already had the feeling that keeping up with Jackie was going to require all of his wits and most of his attention. "You're not a criminal-- at least, I'm assuming you're not...."
His date laughed, opening a nearby closet and pulling out a Givenchy faux leopard-skin swing coat. "No, I work as an office manager for a criminal defense law firm. Sometimes I help with the examinations before trial-- EBT's-- and depositions. I have to say, you're a lot cuter than most police officers." She smiled lopsidedly, one deep dimple suddenly appearing in her cheek. "Most of them look like Andy Sipowicz from NYPD Blue. Or Peter Falk as Columbo."
Nick helped her on with the coat, waited while she grabbed a black pillbox hat, black gloves and a matching purse, then held the door for her as they left her apartment. He grinned to himself as they strolled toward the car. "My partner looks like Columbo, actually... only he dresses slightly better."
"Well, I can't say I'm sorry that you don't look like Sipowicz." She cast an approving look at the blue silk Ralph Lauren shirt and gray slacks he wore under his half-opened dark trenchcoat, then stopped dead on the sidewalk as they came within sight of the Caddy. "Ohhhhhh," she breathed. "It's even more gorgeous than I imagined!" Jackie took a few reverent steps forward, her eyes glued to the car. "A 1964 Cadillac in mint condition... is that the original interior?" She didn't give Nick a chance to comment, but continued to coo over the Caddy.
7:37 pm; downtown Toronto, Front Street
"Arrrgh," Nick muttered under his breath then, catching sight of Jackie's amused expression, sheepishly smiled. "I had no idea they'd extended the construction out this far. And this accident at Queen's Quay has messed it up even worse. I haven't been down here in weeks. I'm really, really sorry---" The traffic was bumper to bumper on Front Street, a result of emergency roadwork near the lakefront. A semi had overturned at the Queen's Quay exit on the Gardiner Expressway, blocking traffic on and off the road, and diverting a large amount of traffic toward them. They were now almost ten minutes late because of the detour around the repairs. Jackie didn't particularly mind. The night was cool but comfortable, and after she'd switched the radio from the all-chat station to alternative rock they'd had great music all the way downtown. Right now the stereo was sending "Didn't I Blow Your Mind This Time?" into the Toronto night.
"It's okay. Really, I swear, Nick. It's not your fault. How could you know they'd be diverting all the traffic our way?" She shrugged, then leaned back and hummed along to the song on the radio. When Naked Eyes' "Always Something There To Remind Me" started, Jackie leaned forward and turned down the radio a notch. "Have you seen this production of Hamlet before?"
"No. But the drama critic from NOW, the weekly arts newspaper, thought it was good-- she even described it as 'uniquely original'. And you can't go very far wrong with Shakespeare." Nick Knight smiled, and Jackie's blood did the singing-in-her-veins trick again. He might be uptight, he might need to loosen up, but one thing Nick Knight definitely didn't need lessons on was how to be appealing. "I've seen other plays from this company, though, and they're usually watchable." Nick turned onto the street next to the Factory Theatre, and began looking around anxiously. "Great. Do you see anywhere to park? The lot's full."
"Hunh. No." Jackie frowned, glancing around the crowded street. "What about over there?"
"No, that won't work. I'd never get the Caddy out of that spot-- wait a minute, I think I know some place that won't be full." He turned down a couple of sidestreets, and pulled the car into an alley behind a warehouse on Ryerson. "I've parked here before. Nobody else seems to, so we shouldn't get blocked in. Plus we're probably the last ones to arrive," Nick added dryly, getting out of the car to open Jackie's door. Nice manners, too, Jackie noted as the homicide detective offered her his arm.
The streets were almost clear of the sudden snowfall, but the edges of the sidewalks were still slick with slush and ice. Jackie was glad of Nick's support as they carefully picked their way over to the theatre; her high heels had almost no traction to them, and it was hard to see where the dangerous spots were in the scarcity of street lights. Crossing the street to the theatre entrance, she almost lost her balance and fell into a slush puddle, but Nick caught her in an unexpectedly strong grip and lifted her clear off her feet for a few seconds. He was depositing her on the other side of the hazard almost before she knew what happened.
"Thanks," she murmured breathlessly.
"You're welcome," Nick said. "Are you okay?"
"Fine. I'm glad you caught me, though. This is an expensive coat, I'd have hated to get it wet. Do you lift weights?" Jackie asked as they entered the lobby of the building.
"Uh... no." Her date smiled disarmingly, distracting her from her contemplation of how much he could probably bench press. "Isometrics. And some other sports." Nick shrugged off his coat and handed their tickets to the usher. Helping her off with her coat, he added, "I'm glad we're only twenty minutes late. They don't seat anyone after the first half hour. Next time I'm double-checking the directions with City Traffic Control before I leave."
Following the usher into the darkened theater, Jackie could hear the actors declaiming onstage, but didn't see them until she and Nick were moving toward their seats in the front row of the balcony. The stage was extremely dark, lit only with candlelight, dark curtains serving as a backdrop to the scene. A couple of hisses of "down in front!" made her duck down and almost stumble into her seat. As she did so she realized that the woman seated next to her was extremely familiar.
"Amanda?" Jackie whispered in surprise.
"Captain Cohen?" Nick sounded startled, verging on chagrined, but it was impossible to see his expression in the darkness of the theater. Jackie had only managed to identify her friend because she'd nearly landed in the police captain's lap, simultaneously recognizing Amanda's signature Opium perfume.
"Jackie. Glad you could make it. Late again, Knight?" Amanda Cohen whispered back without taking her eyes off the stage. A stifled choking sound from the man next to her made Jackie rise to his defense.
"It wasn't his fault. I wasn't ready when he showed up."
"Somehow, I can believe that," murmured her friend. Jackie always admired how she did that without seeming to move her lips. They'd met at a Toronto Women in Law luncheon, and had become friends over a bad chicken lunch despite their different approaches to law enforcement. More hisses from behind them cut off further attempts at conversation. When Jackie was settled into her seat, her date clasped her hand in a quick squeeze of gratitude that made her glad she'd fibbed to Amanda. Nick was already stressed enough without giving his boss reason to think he'd been sloppy in taking Jackie on her date. Nobody needed that kind of pressure.
It took Jackie a little while to work out how far into the play they were. Part of the problem was the costuming. Ophelia was dressed in men's Elizabethan clothing, Laertes was a woman in a Regency gentleman's costume, and Polonius was in Greek robes with a curved staff, so it took some time to grasp who was playing which character. The other part of the problem was the extremely distracting antics of two lookers-on in modern dress, who were being ignored by the three main characters. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, it seemed, were making paper airplanes behind a screen, upstage from the main scene.
"This is Hamlet, right?" Jackie whispered to Nick. "Not Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead?"
"That's what it says on the ticket," the detective whispered back, sounding as puzzled as she did.
The play progressed to Hamlet's meeting with the Ghost of his father, something which startled the wits out of most of the balcony audience, including Jackie. When the Ghost entered from behind them and crossed to the balcony's edge, Nick just chuckled.
"Look, my lord it comes!"
"Angels and ministers of grace defend us!" Hamlet was played by an extremely cute but rather dopey-looking actor who seemed to think that speaking loudly was equivalent to good acting. His accent was labored and upper-crust British, in sharp contrast to the Canadian accents of the rest of the cast. The Ghost gently glowed-- phosphorescent paint on his cloak, Jackie surmised-- and beckoned to Hamlet. As Hamlet and Horatio debated whether the Prince should converse with the apparition, the actor playing the Ghost turned and cut in front of the first-row audience, saying "excuse me... pardon me... gotta get through" in a low undertone as he made his way toward a lower side-balcony staircase. He stopped directly in front of Amanda, to gesture Hamlet further onward.
"This is weird," Nick muttered.
"Definitely original," Jackie said softly.
It got weirder. Scenes that were not actually part of the play, but were mentioned by the characters, were pantomimed by a shadow-cast behind a screen. Guildenstern and Rosencrantz were prone to pop up at odd times, seemingly invisible, and make audible side commentary on the progressing action, sometimes talking over the main actors. Hamlet didn't seem to like this (or maybe it was the actor playing the Prince who had a problem with it) because his loud voice would become even louder every time it happened. The Players were silent, wearing Kabuki masks and using sign language to communicate. Jackie could hear Nick fidgeting when this started, and after a moment realized he was saying the players' speeches sotto voce, sounding annoyed at their absence from the play.
Hamlet's "conscience of the King" speech was embarrassingly bad. The actor spoke his soliloquy directly to separate members of the audience, grabbing one poor man by his coat lapels, and hissing "O, vengeance! Why what an ass am I!" Nick's mumbled "Hear, hear" echoed onto the stage as the actor paused for breath, and Jackie could feel her date slumping down into his seat (as if trying to hide) when the actor scanned the audience for the critic.
Fortunately the intermission occurred right after Hamlet's speech.
As the lights came up, Jackie stood, stretching her legs and glancing at her date. Nick wore a disgusted expression which immediately smoothed when he saw her studying him. "It's... interesting," he said weakly.
"Oh, yeah. It is that," Jackie agreed, unsure if she were enjoying it or not.
On the one hand, you never knew what was going to happen next. On the other hand, the actor playing Hamlet was awful, it was hard to see what was going on, and if she hadn't already known the play by heart, she would have been even more confused.
Nick obviously wasn't enjoying it at all.
"Do you want to leave?"
Nick's "No, not unless you want to," came out a little too fast for sincerity.
The brunette smothered a smile. "Tell you what. If the next act is worse, we'll leave. Does that sound fair?"
"No, really. I... Jackie, this is your night. If you're enjoying it," Nick shook his head helplessly, his eyes wide, and Jackie's heart melted at his expression of bewilderment, "then we should stay. This just isn't quite what I was expecting. Are _you_ enjoying it?" He asked, turning blue eyes in her direction.
"Sort of." An unwilling grin crept out, and Jackie raised one eyebrow. "Sort of like watching a train wreck. You keep wondering if it _can_ get worse."
Amanda returned from the lobby in time to hear this last remark. "Well, I think it's great. Trying to figure out who knows how much, and who's on whose side---"
"But Captain, they're changing it all around!" Nick's exasperation was obvious. "Ophelia isn't supposed to be calculating, and Polonius has a crush on Gertrude, and Hamlet's an idiot!"
"Don't be so rigid, Knight." Amanda smiled her Mona Lisa smile of superiority. "It's Shakespeare. It's open to interpretation. You can do anything you want with it."
"But do they have to do it so badly?" Nick plaintively asked. The lights flickered, signalling the end of the intermission.
It got worse.
The huge pause before the actors' entrance was broken by the sight of Hamlet hanging from a trapeze over the stage, wiggling his eyebrows significantly. Jackie didn't know whether to laugh or groan. Polonius's murder was played for laughs. And there were long pauses during which the actors would occupy themselves with trivial bits of business that obviously enthralled them, but which had Nick shifting restlessly in his seat.
As Act IV started, Jackie had to admit that she really couldn't care less how the play ended. What had started out as interesting and unexpected had progressed to labored and distracting. As Hamlet discussed the disposition of Polonius's body with his two ex-friends, Jackie leaned over to Nick and said, "Okay. Enough is enough."
"Are you sure?" He sounded hopeful, and as if he were trying to disguise it without much success.
"Very." She watched Guildenstern turn cartwheels into a wall, then stagger about dazed. "I can always rent the Mel Gibson version if I want comedy." Nick chuckled, then helped her to her feet.
"Where are you two going?" came as a piercing whisper in the darkness.
"Nowhere you can tag along, Captain," Nick hissed back. Jackie giggled as they made their way out to the lobby.
Nick breathed a sigh of relief as they left the darkened auditorium, shooting his date a look of concern as they retrieved their coats. "Are you sure you want to leave? I mean, it _was_ different...."
"Positive. Definite. Certain," replied Ms. Deutsch, rolling her eyes. "Different is one thing. Pretentious is another. Amanda only likes it because she's reading more into it than is intended. She'll give me an analysis of it the next time I see her, explaining the socio-political implications for Denmark."
Laughing, Nick held the door open for her. He took Jackie's arm again as they strolled back to where the car was parked. The night had become chillier, with the wind blowing through the alley and rattling windows in the adjacent warehouses. Jackie was really being an amazingly good sport about the evening's mishaps. First the detour, and now the play being so awful... Nick was guiltily aware that _he_ wouldn't have paid money for the date as it had progressed so far. In fact, he couldn't think of anyone who would. Internally vowing to take her directly to the nicest restraunt he knew and to stay there as long as Jackie wanted, Nick fished in his pocket for the keys to the car.
They rounded the corner where the Caddy was parked, and stopped dead in their tracks.
"Where is it?" Jackie asked, looking around in confusion.
Nick shook his head, turning in circles, muttering, "It has to be here, this is the alley... look, that staircase was right... there."
A sign which he'd never seen before was posted on the staircase. It was edged with a crust of frozen snow, and must have been brushed off by the owner while they were in the theater.
WARNING! PRIVATE PARKING! VIOLATORS WILL BE TICKETED AND TOWED AT THE OWNER'S RISK AND EXPENSE. VEHICLES LEFT HERE CAN BE FOUND AT 1330 WESTCHESTER, NEAR PORTLAND. CALL 555-1265 FOR CONFIRMATION.
"Ack." Nick swallowed hard. "The Caddy...."
"Awwwww," Jackie said, patting him on the arm. "I'm sure they'll take good care of it."
Knight hung his head, feeling a pounding somewhere behind his eyelids. What else could possibly go wrong? No, better not to think about it. Whatever he imagined would probably happen. "Jackie, if you want to get a cab, I'll understand completely. I'm going to walk over to the lot and get my car back---"
"Not on your life. You still owe me chocolate." Jackie's dimple was showing again, and Nick felt a sudden urge to hug her. He gave in to it a little bit, pulling her close with one arm around her shoulders until she gave a little squeak. The petite brunette was giggling when Nick loosened his grip. "C'mon, let's start walking."
8:52 PM Dennison Street, a couple blocks down from the Factory Theatre
The lot his Caddy had been towed to was supposed to be only about ten blocks away. If he'd been alone, he could have flown the distance in seconds. But right now this was not an option. Jackie couldn't fly. Jackie didn't know he was a vampire. Jackie would be distinctly weirded out if he suddenly zipped around the corner and reappeared with the Caddy three minutes later. Regretfully, Nick pushed all thoughts of a quick exit out of his mind, and concentrated on keeping up a normal conversation with his long-suffering date.
"So how do you know Captain Cohen?"
"We met at a luncheon for women in law enforcement a few years ago. Defense attorneys, prosecutors, police-- Amanda and I were seated next to each other. Cohen and Deutsch. We hit it off," Jackie said, carefully stepping around some broken glass. "Ever since, we get together about once a month to compare notes on cases and catch a movie. Her husband hates tearjerkers."
"Captain Cohen *likes* tearjerkers?" Nick struggled to keep the incredulity out of his voice. "Captain _Amanda_ Cohen?"
Jackie laughed. "She's not that bad, Nick! She has to be tough in her job... the upstairs brass are even more unforgiving of mistakes than she is. I'll bet she doesn't let anyone _else_ make your job difficult. Hmmm?"
They took the fourth turn in the last ten minutes onto Brant, then began to cut through the nearby park toward Adelaide. Nick shrugged ruefully at Jackie's question. "No, she doesn't. I admit, I'm usually glad she's my boss- - except when she disagrees with me about a case." His date suddenly veered off to their right, breaking into a brisk jog. "Hey! Where are you going?"
"Swings!!" Jackie yelled back over her shoulder. In the moonlight Nick could see a small playground with a slide, sandbox, teeter-totter, jungle gym and swings surrounded by a low hedge. Jackie had already appropriated one of the swings and was gleefully swinging herself higher and higher as he approached. He stood off to the side, unsure of what to make of his thirty-something date suddenly reverting to childhood. Had the cold affected her brain? What....?
"C'mon, don't be such a stiff!" Jackie yelled down to him from the apex of her swinging. Nick's mouth twitched, then he grinned and flung himself into the swing next to her. Within seconds, they were competing to see who could get the most height. Nick had the slight advantage of strength and long legs, but Jackie's shorter legs meant she didn't hit the ground on the backswing, the way Knight did. After several breathless minutes of laughter and more than one near-collision between the two swings, Jackie jumped out of her swing to land gracefully on her feet some distance away. "Your turn!"
Nick waited until he had swung almost as high as the frame of the swings, then jumped. Jackie screamed as he came back to earth, tucking and rolling along the ground with the momentum. She was laughing by the time she caught up to him, though. "You're nuts, you know that? You could've broken your ankle or something. You scared me!"
The detective stood up, still chuckling, brushing the grass and dirt off his jacket. "Still think I'm a stiff?"
"Noooo, I wouldn't say that," Jackie chortled.
"Good. I wouldn't want you to think that I don't know how to have fun," Nick said in a dignified voice, the illusion of pompousity spoiled by the wicked grin that accompanied the pronouncement. He took her arm again, and the two of them exited the park. "My partner would think I'd lost my mind. Of course, he already thinks I'm weird...."
"Really? Why does he think that?"
Nick waved his arm in a dismissive gesture. "Well, I have this allergy to sunlight---"
"I read about that in one of the newspaper write-ups," Jackie interjected. "That's why you only work nightshifts, right?"
"Right. Plus I'm on a restricted diet because of it, and there's one or two other things... he keeps trying to fix me up with his wife's cousins, and I keep trying to get out of it," Nick made a face like a little kid swallowing medicine, and smiled at Jackie's chuckle. "It's not that I think anyone in his family would be _weird_ or anything," he added with a sarcastic roll of his eyes.
"Of course not."
"Definitely not." Nick grinned again as they turned right toward what should have been Adelaide. They hadn't gone very far, though, before Jackie realized she could see the Factory Theatre again. Nick was frowning at that point. "Wait a minute..." he stopped and looked around. "Damn. We must have gotten turned around somewhere. We're right back where we started."
"Well, not quite. We're on the other side of the block," Jackie pointed out.
"Close enough." Nick shook his head, looking annoyed. "I'm sorry, Jackie. I should have been paying more attention."
"It's not your fault. We just got distracted." Jackie tugged on his arm, directing him down Richmond. "Let's see if we can't find our way back to the main thoroughfares, though."
"We could call a cab at the Theatre."
It was Jackie's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh, please. It's not _that_ cold. Besides, this is fun." And the odd thing was, she _was_ enjoying herself. She could catch a cab later. Right now, she didn't want Nick Knight to ditch her because of some misguided chivalric impulse.
"You have a strange sense of fun, Ms. Deutsch," Nick responded as they walked down Richmond.
9:15 PM Richmond and Bathhurst streets
By now, Nick was determined to find a cab and put Jackie in it as soon as possible. He wasn't cold, but it had to be only thirty degrees without the windchill, and despite her assurances that she was having a good time, his date wasn't really dressed for a stroll through the seedier section of Toronto in mid-winter. No, as soon as they reached a busier intersection, he'd grab a cab, put Jackie in it, then fly to the impound lot.
Richmond led into Bathhurst, where construction crews were still doing repairs from an accident earlier that evening. Fairly certain that he knew where he was now, Nick led Jackie across King. There ought to at least be a pay phone there, Nick was thinking, when he jerked out of his thoughts to realize that the some members of the construction crew were noticing Jackie, and letting her know it.
"Hey hey, sweet stuff!"
"Whatcha doin' down here, girlie? Slummin'?"
"C'mon over here, darlin. Ditch the yuppie. You need a real man..."
"Hey baby, lets you and me go somewhere, whaddaya say?"
Lips thinning in distaste, Nick shook his head, and said in a low voice, "Jerks. Ignore them." Punching out the offenders wouldn't be practical, but at the moment it was enormously appealing. And getting more appealing by the minute.
"Oh, I am," Jackie responded, seemingly unbothered by the attention.
"Pretty lady, what've you got under that jacket? Anything interesting?" one man yelled.
Nick spun around, just about at the end of his rope. He also wanted to take out his frustration at the rotten way the evening had been going on anyone he could get his hands on. But right then Jackie suddenly yelled back to the watching men, "You mean something like this?" She flashed open her coat real fast, did a very quick bump-and-grind, refastened the coat, tossed her head, then strutted away. Applause and catcalls followed her.
"Baby, come back!"
"Sugar! Where are you going?"
"Dump the pretty-boy, babe. You need a real man!"
"I already have one. *He* has class," Jackie retorted over her shoulder, hanging onto Nick's arm as they passed out of sight of the crew.
9:26 PM Niagara and Bathhurst streets
Her date was obviously torn between laughing and wanting to hit something. Time to let him blow off some steam. "Are you okay?" she asked him as they approached a makeshift shelter on the corner of Niagara and Bathhurst. A few homeless people were gathered around a fire blazing in a metal trashcan, warming themselves as an attractive young man in a sweatsuit passed out food to those gathered.
"Am *I* okay?" Nick asked in amazement.
"Well, you were looking like you wanted to punch someone, and I was hoping it wasn't me."
"You?" Nick shook his head, blinked, then finally laughed. "No, I'm just in shock. Most women I know would be furious at that kind of treatment. The last thing I expected was for you to put them in their place like that."
"You have to know how to respond to that sort of attention. Mostly, those guys were showing off for each other. If I'd acted mad, it would've made them worse." Jackie shrugged negligently. "This way, they know what I think of them, and hopefully they're feeling as stupid as they looked."
"Which was pretty stupid," Nick commented with a slow smile. "Nice." He noticed the man serving food to the gathered homeless, and said, "I think I know that priest over there-- maybe we can get better directions to the lot from here. Why don't you try to get warm by the fire?"
"Okay." Jackie hugged herself and shivered as she approached the fire, only too aware of her expensive clothes and Prada purse. //And you thought your evening was going bad, hunh? It could be so much worse. Look at these people; I'll bet the woman in the plaid coat is the same age you are, probably. Count your blessings, Ms. Deutsch. Maybe you're cold, but you can remember what you had for dinner....//
A low humming sound distracted her, and she moved away from a young man bundled up in numerous layers of clothing who was trying to get closer to the fire. She backed into an old woman wrapped in a patchwork quilt, who also seemed to be humming hypnotically. Two girls, kids really, were sitting in a supermarket cart next to the trashcan--- and now they were humming. Wildly wondering if they were all having some simultaneous psychotic episode, Jackie stared around her with wide eyes as an older gray-haired man stepped close to the fire, took off his Fedora and nodded gravely to her, then asked, "Would you care to join us?"
"In what?" Jackie asked in confusion.
"Practice," the man replied. "Father Robicheaux leads us in song during most evening repasts."
"I don't know many hymns---"
"Any music can be a hymn," the man chided her mildly, than began to sing what the others had been humming under their breaths in a clear, light tenor.
"In the jungle, the mighty jungle
the lion sleeps tonight.
In the jungle, the quiet jungle,
the lion sleeps tonight----"
The two kids suddenly belted out "A-WHheeeeeee-eeee oooooooo A whee um um a way! A WheeeeeEEEEEeeee wheee um um a way!!" While the younger man and old lady sang the background chorus:
"A weem a way, a weem a way,
A weem a way, a weem a way...."
In perfect harmony, the people around her gestured at her to join in as they hit the high notes. Jackie couldn't believe it at first, but tentatively joined in on the chorus, a smile forming as the old woman took the second verse.
"Hush my darling, don't fear my darling,
the lion sleeps tonight.
Hush my darling, don't cry, my darling,
the lion sleeps tonight----"
Nick was standing next to her, singing the ending wrap-up in a mellow baritone as they finished the song. The man in the sweats next to him was smiling at both of them as everyone broke into applause. He was wearing a cross around his neck, and Jackie could just see the edge of a clerical collar under the sweatjacket. "I don't suppose you know 'Stand By Me', do you, Detective Knight?"
"Sorry, Father." Nick grinned and took Jackie's hand. "We'd love to stay, but it's getting late."
"Aw, Nick," Jackie protested. "We can stay for one more song..."
9:40 PM Niagara to Portland street
Several minutes, and new renditions of "Stand By Me" and Three Dog Night's "Joy to the World" later, Nick and Jackie were finally headed in the right direction. Father Robicheaux had figured out where they'd gotten turned around before, explaining that a local street gang had a bad habit of either removing or turning around street signs near the theatre. He also apologized for not having a telephone, something which Nick was almost beginning to expect by now.
"We should be able to get my car out of the lot-- Father Robicheaux didn't think it would close before ten," Nick said, scanning the surrounding street as they walked. Jackie's feet had to be killing her in those shoes. Fun aside, the Caddy had _better_ be there, he thought, studying his date's weary face. Enough is enough.
"Great," Jackie said, stopping to lean against a bus shelter for a moment to catch her breath. "I'm looking forward to that hot chocolate."
Nick was about to reply to her when he detected movement out of the corner of his eye. And down the street, something else moved in response. "Jackie, start walking again," he said in a low, controlled voice, putting his arm around her.
"What's wrong?" she whispered, huddling into his side.
"Maybe nothing." Someone else was behind them. Five mortal heartbeats, aside from Jackie's. Two in front, three pulling up to circle them. The couple was walking quickly now, and Nick found himself wishing for his gun.
The gang made their move where the streetlights petered out, near the steps of a nearby brownstone. Two came out of the shadows to block Jackie and Nick's progress, and the other three casually stood a few feet behind them. "Hand over the cash, slick," the one in front of Nick demanded. The young man next to the speaker was paring his nails with a butterfly knife. Nick could hear the >snick< of other switchblades being unsheathed behind him.
"We don't want any trouble," he said quietly, reaching inside his jacket for the wallet, while moving to block Jackie from as many of them as possible.
"There won't _be_ any trouble if you hand over the cash, man. You too, lady. Give your purse to my friend," the leader growled, his eyes glittering as he watched Nick pull out his wallet.
Eyes... Nick held his gaze, hearing the tha-thump, tha-thump of the teenager's heart. >>"You don't want to do this,"<< Nick said, never looking away. >>"I'm a cop. There will be trouble if you do this."<<
"Trouble?" the leader echoed, sounding uncertain, mesmerized by Nick's voice.
Nick switched his gaze to the leader's friend. >>"This is a bad idea."<<
"Oh, maaannn," the second-in-command whined, suddenly no longer menacing, just a punk with a knife he didn't have the courage to use. "We should split now, Ric."
"Hunh?" The leader was fighting it, trying not to hear the command in Nick's voice. The vampire concentrated on him again.
>>"You have better things to do."<<
"Damn straight," the young man suddenly snarled, backing away. "Let's get out of here." Ric and his friend ran down a nearby alley, and Nick could hear the three behind them following the others in confusion and disappointment, not having the nerve to rob the man their leader had fled from.
Thirty full seconds later, he was sure they were gone. He turned to Jackie. "Are you okay?"
Her dark eyes were big and scared, but she swallowed nervously and then nodded. "How did you *do* that?"
"Do what?" Nick started walking again, drawing Jackie after him by a firm arm around her shoulders.
"Talk him out of mugging us... I thought we were dead!"
"Kids like those don't need trouble with cops. They don't have the nerve or the weapons. He probably thought I had a gun." Nick smiled, praying that Jackie would buy his explanation, and also that hypnotizing her would be unnecessary.
"Oh," his date said, smiling shakily. "I'm glad you're tougher than they are, then."
Nick stopped walking, and looked down into her face. "Still scared?"
Jackie shook her head. "No." She straightened her shoulders. "No. After all, I've got the toughest cop on the nightbeat to protect me, don't I?"
"Damn straight," Nick said softly, hugging her before they started walking again.
9:58 PM Westchester Street Impound Lot, and Azure Cafe
The Caddy was, thankfully, in the lot, which was also (miraculously) still open. Nick paid the fine, apologized, then joined Jackie back at the car, turning up the heat as far as it would go as he got in. They didn't get lost again, for which Jackie was grateful.
When she'd read the auction notice, it had mentioned "coffee and dessert" but it hadn't said where, so she was more than a little surprised when they pulled into the valet parking lot for the Azure. "Are you serious? You're buying me dessert *here*?"
"Why not?"
"Hey, don't forget, I know what a homicide detective's salary is. Most can't afford to buy the water they serve at this cafe."
"You've just had the worst date that money can buy," Nick replied, overruling her objections. "We were late, then the play was a bust, then the car got towed, and then we got lost. And don't forget the mugging! You deserve a medal, not just some chocolate dessert."
"I'd rather have the dessert."
Spooning up chocolate mousse and whipped cream, Jackie rolled her eyes in mock-ecstasy. "Are you sure you don't want to join me?"
"I can't, remember? Special diet," Nick smiled, seeming unbothered by that fact. "I'm not fond of chocolate anyway."
"What kind of a crazy person are you?" his date muttered around a mouthful of chocolate shavings and ganache. The Chocolate Dream Delight, a double-decker fantasy of chocolate mousse, ganache, cake, whipped cream and sprinkles, together with Kahlua and cream in Mexican coffee, almost made up for the hour lost in the cold wandering around town. Of course, there had been the swings... and the singing at the shelter... and telling off the construction crew. So maybe the evening wouldn't have been a loss, even without the chocolate. But she was still glad that Nick had intimidated those muggers the way he did. Police training could be pretty impressive, sometimes.
Nick seemed depressed, though. He was probably blaming himself for everything that happened. Jackie put down the spoon and patted her mouth with the napkin. "I really did have a good time, Nick."
"And you think I'm crazy?" The homicide detective shook his head. "It was a disaster, Jackie. Everything went wrong." //Dating. Ha!// Whoever came up with the idea was a sadist. Never again. He'd almost given himself away at several different times, and he'd been continually frustrated during the entire evening. Never again.
"Not everything. Let me tell you, detective. A disastrous date is where you have nothing to talk about, and the other person is incredibly boring, or self-centered, or where something hideously embarrassing happens."
"This _was_ embarrassing."
"Not for me." Jackie grinned.
"You actually had a good time?" Nick couldn't seem to get his mind around the concept. "You would actually go out with me again, after the night you just had?"
"Are you asking me out?"
"I..." Nick shook his head. "I'm not looking for any kind of relationship, Jackie." Better get that cleared up right away, Knight, he thought. He still couldn't believe what a nightmare the evening had been; and how matter-of- factly she'd dealt with every situation that came up.
"Who is? Nick, people go on dates to have fun. If they get lucky, they make new friends in the process. And if they're really, really lucky, they meet someone they can have a relationship with. But it's not just a means to an end, you know. It's supposed to be something fun in and of itself. Besides, think how impressed Amanda will be if I go out with you again. It'll raise her opinion of you several points, at least."
Nick's mouth was twitching. "There is that." He was quiet a minute, then tentatively asked, "So. Would you go out with me again, and let me prove that I can show a woman a good time?"
"On one condition." Jackie smiled mischievously.
A look of alarm, and then wariness crossed Nick's face. "What?"
"Next time, I drive." Jackie ducked as Nick threw his napkin at her. "No, really, you haven't seen my car... I have a 1956 T-Bird 2-seater, it's red, I love it, you just have to see it...."
The evening wound down with chocolate and coffee and talk, and while neither person could claim to have found true love that night, friendship and friendly flirting are rare enough that neither regretted the date either.
Except the next morning, when Nick had to tell Schanke about it.
The End >>*<<
Oh, and by the way....
Author's Notes The scary part of this story is how much of it is true.
Getting lost on a blind date happened to me; it was thirty degrees outside, it was a double date, and we had no idea where the zoo was. By the time we got there, they were closed. We took a bus back to the car. There was ice everywhere, it was dark, I was more than a little scared. But as my friend Tammi comfortingly pointed out at the time, "There's no chance we'll get mugged. All the smart robbers are inside with hot chocolate."
The "flashing" incident was inspired by a friend of mine who is Jackie's height and build, and also dresses flamboyantly. We were getting hassled in New York City, and she turned around and stopped traffic with that move, walking away as if she considered the onlookers peasants. It's all in the attitude.
Meeting your boss while on a date happened to my sister. While she got along with her boss a great deal better than Nick ever did with Cohen, it was still slightly awkward to be in that kind of social situation outside of work. It's hard to relax and flirt when the person that signs your paycheck is at the next table.
Special thanks to:
Diane Echelbarger, for the directions around Toronto, information about the Factory Theatre, extending my deadline, and extreme editing. Logic and punctuation errors do not get by this lady, and if you want to be sure a story makes sense, run it by her first. She also inspired the scene at the swings and the mugging. All errors are mine, however. Oh, and for coming up with this idea in the first place!
Dianne la Mercenaire, both for recommending Diane and beta-reading, and giving me an idea of what worked and what didn't. And for suggesting I take out an ad on FORKNI-L when I didn't win the date with Nick myself!
And last, to Jackie Deutsch, who graciously agreed to a Date from Hell, and actively participated in shaping the events, dialogue, and attitude that made this tale what it is. And for letting me exorcise several "dating demons" by including them in this story. Just one more way in which art allows us to cope with things that were NOT funny at the time.
--- CLK